Sunday, March 13, 2011

PCOS.....or as I like to call it, HELL.

As of last week, I found out I have polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS).  What is this you may ask?  Well, I'll tell you.

Basically, there are three hormones in women:  estrogen, progesterone, and androgens.  During a normal month in a normal female, small fibers form on her ovaries.  When they reach 10 mm, the hormones cause these fibers to come off the ovaries, making ovulation happen.  In someone with PCOS, since her hormones are out of balance, the fibers don't come off the ovaries.  Also, because the fibers don't come off, the woman's eggs never mature.

Usually, this is caused by SOMETHING.  Insulin levels are too high.  Thyroid is not working.  Pituitary hormones are out of whack.  Something.

So, I go to the doctor last week because I have still not gotten a regular post partum period.  I have it for a month, go another 6 months, have it again, etc.  I have had 3 total in 14 months.  They draw lots and lots of labs.  Like, 7 tubes of blood.  Then, they did an ultrasound, which was so uncomfortable.  I have never had an internal ultrasound and I did not like it.  It hurt.

My labs came back perfect.  No issues with my thyroid, pituitary, glucose, insulin, nothing.  The only problem is that my FSH and LH levels are reversed, which is normal for PCOS.  Then we looked at my ultrasound, which apparently was absolutely horrible.  Like, he was in shock that I could have so many fibers on my ovaries.

What does that mean for me?  Well, since most people that have PCOS have a cause for it, they can take something to fix it.  Since all my labs are perfect, I have more issues than that.

Did I mention that I'm not going to ovulate on a regular basis.  So, if I want to have more kids (which, for anyone that knows me knows I do), it will be incredibly hard if not impossible.  Seriously.  I can't handle this. My doctor kept asking me if it was hard to get pregnant with Aidenn.  Honestly, although we weren't trying, I should have been pregnant way before I actually was.  So, I guess it was.  It took 5 years if you look at it that way.

I am crushed.  I want a little girl so bad.  I love having a boy, but I want a little girl to dress up in tutus, oversized flower headbands, and ballerina pink.  I am so upset that this is possibly never going to happen. I know that it's not 100% that I will not be able to have another baby, but it's in the 90 and above %s.  That's hard to take.  So hard.

So, if I've seemed sad, out of the ordinary, standoffish, etc, you now know why.  I am mourning the loss of a child that is nowhere near being brought in this world.

On another note, we got bunny pictures back today.  This is the only one I bought, but we had so much fun.  Enjoy!


  1. I have a friend with PCOS who was able to get pregnant with the help of fertility drugs.

  2. I have PCOS, and it's really not that bad, I promise. The worst is when a cyst bursts. They told me I would never ever have kids and my little miracle baby is playing in the kitchen.

    Also, there are tons of drugs out there that will help, and as an adopted child I have to say that is always an option. Those kids really need a chance and good homes.